Top 10 Punchable Movie Characters
Some movie characters so just so frustrating to watch. I don’t mean because they’re actions are idiotic or even because they’re incredibly evil. I mean just because they are such jerks. They are slimy, rude, inconsiderate, and detestable. I’m not pro physical violence, but I think these dudes could use a swift punch square in the face. And yes I did say dudes because I’m excluding women from this list. Even hypothetically I wouldn’t hit a woman, lucky for you Dolores Umbridge (Imelda Staunton in ‘Harry Potter’) & Nurse Ratched (Louise Fletcher in ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest’). Also as is standard practice here, I’ll only be including film characters so Joffrey Baratheon (Jack Gleeson in ‘Game of Thrones’) is unfortunately not making the list either.
Dodge Landon (Tom Felton) in ‘Rise of the Planet of the Apes’- Mots of the humans in the ‘Planet of the Apes’ movies really suck. But Tom Felton’s character in the first of the most recent ‘Planet of the Apes’ saga was the inspiration for this list. He really isn’t even a super consequential character, but he’s just detestable. He abuses Caesar and the other apes, even bringing along some friends to witness his cruelty. His cruelty really does cause the literal end of the world, as he inspires Caesar to give all the other apes the ALZ-112, and frustrates Caesar so much that he speaks his first word ‘No’ and gives Dodge a taste of his own medicine.
Percy Whitemore (Doug Hutchisn) in ‘The Green Mile’- Michael Clarke Duncan’s John Coffey, in a film about men on death row, is perhaps one of the most beloved characters in film, and Percy’s treatment of him is quite horrible and when you add in his treatment of Del, that solidifies his spot here. He oversees Del’s execution and purposefully neglects to soak the sponge meant to soak up the electricity of the chair. This causes Del to suffer an agonizing, and quite gruesome, death.
Denethor II (John Noble) in ‘The Lord of the Rings’- Many people would probably say Gollum is the LOTR character worthy of this list, and although I understand, I’m a big fan of Andy Serkis’s performance. So I’ll instead go with Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Denethor is sort of a foil to both Théoden & Aragorn, the good kings of Rohan & Gondor. He is bitter and is reluctant to help with the ongoing war, even though Gondor has the most advantageous location. He can’t move past the death of his son Boromir (Sean Bean), and while that’s understandable, he makes it known to everyone, including his younger son Faramir (David Wenham) that he would’ve rather have had Faramir die.
Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix) in ‘Gladiator’- Commodus is a chump. If I cussed on here I would have some choice words for Joaquin Phoenix’s character, including one that starts with a ‘b.’ Based on the real life historical figure, Commodus conveniently arrives whne the final battle of the war is won. For his cowardice, his father, Marcus Aurelius (Richard Harris) chooses to not pass the throne to him, instead giving it to Maximus (Russell Crowe). So Commodus murders Marcus, attempts to murder Maximus (and fails), & then murders Maximus’s wife & son. When it is revealed Maximus is alive, he challenges Maximus to a duel, but poisons him beforehand. Maximus still is able to kill him, but dies in the process.
Gregory Anton (Charles Boyer) in ‘Gaslight’- The antagonist of the 1944 film ‘Gaslight’ & husband of Ingrid Bergman’s Paula Alquist Anton, this man was a generational punk. The 21st century buzzword ‘gaslighting’ quite literally comes from the title of this movie, which garners its name from Gregory Anton making his wife think she’s crazy. He literally pioneered gaslighting, which is one of the most vile things someone can do.
High Evolutionary (Chukwudi Iwuji) in ‘Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3’- The MCU contains a lot of iconic villains, one of which is the High Evolutionary. Though he’s not as intimidating as Thanos or Abomination, or as cunning as Loki or Killmonger, he certainly is the most loathsome. This dude’s whole thing is torturing & experimenting on animals to try and make a perfect race. But all of his science experiments fail, so he ends trying to kill all of them. Seeing what he does to Teefs, Floor, & Lylla makes it feel so justified when Rocket rips his face off.
Lotso (Ned Beatty) in ‘Toy Story 3’- My hand was starting to hurt from punching all these dweebs, so I’m going to go with someone a little more plush to give myself a break. Lotso seems nice at first, but quickly shows his true colors, and I don’t mean pink. He is a manipulative, controlling dictator who tricks toys into following him and disposing of those who don’t. Luckily, like most characters here he gets what he deserves.
Harry Ellis (Hart Bochner) in ‘Die Hard’- Definitely the most minor character on this list, Ellis’s recklessness & selfishness almost help Hans Gruber execute his plan. He’s sleazy, and no he didn’t deserve to die, but it sure made John McClane’s life easier when he did. Also bro is literally snorting powder the whole movie, like give it a break.
Hans (Santino Fontana) in ‘Frozen’- Hans took the gaslighting revolutionized by Gregory Anton and turned it all the way up to 100. He tricks Anna into falling in love with him, proposes to her, and then seizes power of Arendelle when she & Elsa are gone. I’ve actually read a theory online that the trolls turn Hans evil to get Anna to fall for Kristoff, and while convincing, either way he’s slimy.
Lucius Malfoy (Jason Isaacs) in ‘Harry Potter’- Like previously mentioned, Dolores Umbridge would be the choice here if I was a woman. Since I’m not, I’ll go with Lucius Malfoy. He’s abusive to Dobby (RIP), straight up tries to kill Harry in ‘Chamber of Secrets’ when he frees Dobby, encourage the bullying of Draco, tries to get Hagrid fired & does get him put in jail, gets Dumbledore suspended from his job, tries to get Buckbeak executed, oh and is also one of Voldemort’s most loyal Death Eaters, which are basically the Wizard KKK (look at their hoods in ‘Goblet of Fire!’). All that being said, it may be crazy to some that Voldemort himself wouldn’t be the pick here, but Lucius feels more worthy of a jab to the nose (though Voldy’s lack of nose may make the punch hurt my hand less).
